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It took two full days to forgive myself. Pulling out of the Mercedes Half Marathon last weekend at mile 4 with a stomach virus did not sit well with me. Receiving a DNF was heart wrenching after all the time I put into training for this race: the 4:45 a.m. wake-up calls, the tempo runs, intervals, two-hour weekend runs.
None of it seemed fair as I sat on a curb hoping I wouldn't get sick after having exited the race at according-to-my-Garmin mile 4.16. If you don't follow me on Twitter or read my blog, this is something I'm willing to share a week later if only to share the lessons I've learned this past week.
You don't walk away from a race without lessons learned. The stomach virus hit me two days before the Valentine's Day 13.1-mile race in Birmingham.
Believe me, I tried to get better before the 7 a.m. start last week Sunday -- I hydrated like a crazy woman, ate right, rested, hydrated more -- and still, the morning of the race got sick twice, and at mile 4 of the race got too dizzy, and pulled out.
At that point, there was a lot of anger, frustration, disappointment. Before I share my lessons learned, I offer excerpts from my blog. I think it's important you understand the hurt I experienced before the clarity I received that eventually brought me peace:
... I exited the race to the left side, and sat on a curb, tossed things off my wrists, ripped off my bib number, and sobbed. Big sobs. I was angry. I didn't look back at the race. I got up and just walked away...I had 4 miles to walk back. I needed that time. I kicked rocks, I slapped hard a couple of parking meters. I worked just as hard as anyone out there for this race.
That shared, I believe the lessons I offer you can be applied at any time, in any situation -- not just when you're sitting on a curb at mile 4.16. Not just when you're having the lowest running day in your life:
•Have a support group: doesn't matter if you're a runner or not. Have people around you who will let you be you, and then pull you back up when it's time. Those who will let you cry walking through a mob of people after a miserable morning, and then who asks hours later, "Okay, what's our next goal?"
•Have someone in your circle, who, in one breath says, "Lick your wounds ... Forgive yourself ... Get back out there." Those friends exist. If you have them, let them in and pay attention. They're not there because they have to be, but because they want to be.
•Know when enough is enough: listen to your body. As runners, unless our feet are cemented to the ground, we'll still run that race. When it becomes too much, some of us will stop, some won't. You'll learn the importance of listening to your body on a whole new level -- at the time when you just want to plug your ears.
•Allow yourself the time to be disappointed: don't try to solve the 'disappointment' by fixing it in your head when you're too emotional to even walk across the street or form a sentence. Allow yourself the time to grieve, if even for a day, for whatever the situation. Work on the problem tomorrow. It'll make more sense then.
•Be able to hold yourself accountable: explain logically to yourself what went wrong, but don't second-guess yourself. What's done is done. Take responsibility for it, learn your lessons, and move on. Aside from the lessons that came from this, I managed to find benefits to not finishing a half marathon race: I didn't lose any toenails, I still have two Gu packs to use on my next long run, no blisters, no soreness, and really wasn't tired at all.
•I was able to watch the winner of the half marathon finish. I never have been able to do that before. I also watched a couple of my best friends finish, both meeting their goals. Never would have seen that, either. Through all this, I learned how to maneuver through disappointment, how to grow a little from the experience, and how to forgive myself. I was running again at about 70 percent by Tuesday morning. I couldn't be contained any longer than that. From here, I don't look back, and simply move on.
TODAY'S "RACE" Today I'm participating in the 26.2 with Donna in Jacksonville Beach, Fla. It is a race that raises money for breast cancer research. Local runner Dave Stever is running the marathon, and asked for a relay to run beside him. Area runners Barb Gill, Duane Nickerson, Drew Trachy and I are teaming up to run with Dave. Between us, we'll run 5, 5, 10 and 6 miles by his side. All for the purpose of raising money for breast cancer and sharing in our love of running and friendship. Sometimes, you can't beat that combination. Doesn't matter the pace, doesn't matter the placing. It matters that you do something for others, and at the same time, doing something you love.
Kym Klass is a metro reporter for the Montgomery Advertiser, avid runner, and R3 member.
